when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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