Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
