they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
