I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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