it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
