Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
