Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
