He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
