he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A bitchslap is in order.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
