Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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