the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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