You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I understand Curling. That high.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
