dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
