I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
