My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
