Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
