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let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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