so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you never un-have a 4some
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
