for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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