I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
