I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
smell my finger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize