I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
