I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
