So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
