mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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