Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
