Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize