I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That accounts for only three of the penises
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
