1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
