how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
