god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
