The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
