i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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