everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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