meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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