well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
