He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize