There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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