porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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