That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
