I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
