Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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