i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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