every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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