So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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