u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
