I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
