do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize