Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
