Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
