just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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