Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
