I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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