I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just pee around me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
