It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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