$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
