Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My vagina is officially offended.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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