ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
