Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
