suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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