you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
