I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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