I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
