we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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