I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
