i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
