Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
two words: eviction party
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
