I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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