Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My ass is underappreciated
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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