shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
