hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
