The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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